I feel like I'm always counting, whether it be counting how many days until spring break, counting how many calories I put in my mouth, or counting how much weight I have lost or gained. I am constantly obsessed with numbers. I feel like right now I am defining and success and failures by what the scale tells me every morning. For instance this morning I stood on the scale and I had gained .6 pounds. All I could think about was what I ate yesterday, maybe I had too much sugar, maybe it was because I ate half a tablespoon of peanut butter or the half cup of ice cream I had. Whatever the case may be I am working harder with being satisfied with myself and how I look. I have heard so many people in my life say "Mandy I would love to look the way you do" but to me I think I would love to look like me 20 pounds lighter. Even though I lost 20 pounds this summer I have to be careful about not rewarding myself for that. I tend to want to reward myself with food because that's the easiest thing to go to and fairly cheap. I try to set goals for myself now, like if I lose 10 pounds I can go buy that new shirt I want. I'm not sure if I will ever stop counting. I think I find a sense of security in knowing what I can and can't have and how many points everything is. I was proud of myself this weekend, I managed to go the whole weekend and not have a splurge day. I was watching this show about cheeseburgers yesterday and I wanted one soooo bad but I didn't give in and every time I thought about giving in, I also thought about the new bikini I bought. I have to give my sister props too, every time I wanted to eat everything in the house she encouraged me and told me I didn't need it. I even hung out with one of my friends and managed to stay in my point range. So maybe I won't make it to 10 pound weight loss before spring break, but I know I will make it at some point. Once I reach that goal I will reward myself with something other than food, and take time to compliment myself. After that I may try to lose another 10 pounds and be closer to my goal. So as of right now I will keep up the good work but I'm going to stop counting how many pounds I lose until spring break.
